Rottweiler Club, Dog Humour, Funny Dogs

We are looking for any Rottweiler or doggy jokes, signs, clips etc. If you know of any please submit them to webmaster@wcrc.org.au

A burglar broke into an empty house in the middle of the night. He had taken just a few steps when he heard a voice boom out in the darkness, saying, "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!"

He stopped dead in his tracks, waited a few minutes, when he heard nothing else he began tiptoeing forward only to hear "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!" again. He froze and began looking frantically around to see who had said that.

Finally, over in a dark corner he spotted a bird cage and in the bird cage was a parrot. He said to the parrot, "Did you say 'Jesus is watching you' just now?"

The parrot said, "Yes, I did."

The burglar said, "What is your name?"

The parrot answered, "Clarence"

The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

Ohhh, and my compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' ass. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

I rubbed the lotion on my skin for a REASON! Not as an after-dinner snack for you. The newspaper spread on the floor is called accident paper... NOT habit paper! Also, I do not need your help driving the car, never mind what you saw on television!

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train. Usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

Sincerely,

Your Owner